Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Free Reign

Casey is about 4.5 months old.. That means, I've been a father for... 4.5 months. and I got some thoughts about this experience. Wanna hear em?

All I gotta say is that being a newborn is a pretty good deal.. Kid, you dont know how good you have it. Enjoy it now, because at some point, it all gets taken away...

Check it out Casey: Right now, we all encourage you to burp. You get cheered and congratulated when you burp; the louder, the better. I cant burp in public, I get an earful about "thats inappropriate." Anytime you get stomach pains, we encourage you to fart. We even do 'fart-exercises' with your legs. Exactly when was the last time someone encouraged me to fart?

And Casey, the things you do to us..
Casey- You spit up on us. Think about it, when is the last time someone threw up on any of you? A bar in college? Some random drunk idiot at a club? And what was your response? Dirty look, choice words, or bar fight? Yet, Casey regurgatates his meal on me, and I calmly take a burp rag and wipe it up.
Casey- You slobber on us. Again, when is the last time you had someone slobber on any of you? Some drunken-fest makeout session back in college? At very least, thats probably the last time you kissed that person.
Casey- You pee and poop on us. I ask... When is the last time.... ah, nevermind. If your answer is something other than 'NEVER' I dont wanna know. Thats some kinky sexual deviance there.

Casey- You do all this to me, and I dont even get mad at you. And then you smile, and I melt. I'm glad you are too young to understand this right now, but you got all the leverage... you got free reign to do whatever you please, all you gotta do is smile, and I'm putty in your hands.

To sum this up, life at 4.5 months rocks. You get get to slobber, throw up, pee and poop on people, and they dont get mad. You are encouraged to burp and fart. You get free reign to do all this! Dude, what more is there to life? Forget "I wanna be a toys-r-us kid". Its more like, "I wanna be a 4.5 month old kid"!